Relationships

Amanda and I were talking the other morning over breakfast about relationships. We talked about how people demand more of their significant other than they do of their friends or relatives. People are just people, we all have relatively the same limitations and can carry relatively the same workload but people tend to expect more from the ones we choose to spend our lives with.

Tying into the previous statement, we also talked about how people seem quick to anger with a loved one about petty things that might not have bothered us if it were someone else. It seems to me that we put our lovers up on pedestals and assume they are capable of knowing exactly what we want at all times and seem to expect nothing less.

I think the biggest key to any successful relationship is communication and comprimising. I think people are sometimes afraid to communicate their needs. I think sometimes it may be quite the contrary. Some people are far too eager to share how and when, in detail, they want things. For this reason, comprimising is equally as important. Relationships are give and take. Sometimes the happiness of others might be more valuable than your own. We can't have everything we want all the time. If we got everything we wanted all the time we would be easily bored. The best part of any relationship are the surprises. I would much rather have someone show me love and affection in their own way than in the exact way I want it.

This brings me to my next and final point. Katrina had told me about this book called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I just started reading it but it's great. It's all about how there are 5 different ways to express love and how some relationships don't work because the people in them are basically speaking a different love language. It's fascinating but as I am still only a little ways into it, I will elaborate on i another time...

Ryan

What can I say... I'm falling and falling fast. I think it was this past weekend that really felt like a milestone for me in our relationship. We met for lunch Saturday then went roller skating at Skateland. I was supposed to go with Shantae but she bailed out last minute so it was just Ryan, Alicia and I. Ryan knows how to skate, Alicia and I really don't very much. It was fun goofing around with Alicia and it was funny when I fell....it HAD to happen right in front of Ryan, for optimum laughs :( But it was nice. We had a blast. Then we went home and Ryan and I made dinner...by this I mean that he did the majority of it, I offered help with minimal things like salad and slicing things. But I think it was the idea of family that really made the difference for me. We sat at the table and had dinner then Alicica and I did the dishes. She gave me a hug right before she went to bed. I think I might be approaching the L word, in fact I know I am and it scares the hell out of me. I really like Ryan, he is a great guy but I'm terrified and what better a day I have this morning....

I thought I heard Ryan say I love you this morning when he kissed me and left for work. I was asleep so it took a minute for it to process. I awoke a few minutes later with this warm happy feeling inside. I immediately called him and asked him if I heard him right. I asked him what he said and he just said he said have a good day and he would see me later... I called him to say I love you too.

So now I'm confused... was it a Freudian slip? was I hearing what I wanted to hear? was he afraid to tell him the truth in case it wasn't reciprocal? was it really an accident?

I then watched Bride Wars today and it was a comedy but one girl was faced with the question of if the guy she was marrying was right for her and this is near and dear to me cuz of the Cameron situation. I'm deathly afraid of making a mistake again. I don't want to get so close to someone to be hurt again. What's more I get a message from Cameron and Ben today. One on myspace and one on facebook. Neither were anything like lets get back together. Cameron asked how I was and told me about his new girlfriend, Ben asked me just some food for though questions about times when we were together. This isn't weird to me because I found myself pondering things after we split too and it didn't mean I wanted to reconcile anything.

I'm really happy where I am, and who I'm with. I asked Ryan if he saw us being together for awhile and he said that was the plan. :)

pg. 56

So the game is you go to page 56, start on the 5th sentence, of the book you are currently reading and put approximately 5 sentences of the text.....
Mine is from Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
"Sharpen it's beak on the mountain," said Crowley. "And then it flies back-" "in the spaceship-" "And after a thousand years it goes and does it all again," said Crowley quickly. There was a moment of drunken silence. Seems like a lot of effort just to sharpen a beak," mused Aziraphale.

Life's a funny thing

I haven't been on my blogger for about a year, weird. THere are all these posts from me about me and Ben, it's weird, it's hard to go back and read these knowing the whole time he was giving me these optimistic comments that he was cheating on me, perspective is an amazing thing. So here I am, single a year later and still having guy problems and still not knowing what I want really. I am starting a new job soon. I will have a gym membership to continue my dieting, still only lost 10 lbs, ugh, but 10 less than I was. I just want a good relationship with a nice guy, is that really too much to ask for? I don't think so..... So, Cameron has a new gf, practically and here I am....... alone. I had a heart to heart with Alex the other day, maybe he is the only guy that cares, I mean he is like my brother but I will take it over the alternative. When is my chance to be happy? When does that come?

...

Times are hard, but I see the silver lining, I've had a great week, despite a few bumps and sticky situations along the way, Im happy, truly becoming happy, moving on.......finally, completely, I feel Im ready now, to move on and not look back, it sucks that it takes so much, its hard to try not to care. A chapter of my life has been completed, its on to the next. Who knows who will be there with me to fill this chapter, I don't know, really I do at least know who wont be there. There's a few that I question and others there is NO question. I know who I love and who loves me, and that's all I need to know. Im happy where I am, happy with who I am, and most of all happy with who I am becoming. I know me regardless of what others tell me. They clearly don't know me if they can say the things they say and act the way they act. It's time for actiopn, time to not let those who can affect me have so much affect. I will always love those whom I've loved, but there's a time we "outgrow the roles we play" as one of my favorite musicians would say, there's a time to move on a time to grow up and move forward, the time is now, I knowI'm ready.

a little poker, a little suicide

So my weekend is pretty much packed, which is odd for me, I hardly have plans....


No idea where I was going with this but it was 8/07. I played poker then???? Interesting

Dont let the assholes get you down!

Why stay? Who cares? Does it really matter? It doesnt feel like the people in general really have that much empathy or sympathy or basic caring at all for those around them, it's about "what's best for me" and that's crap. Maybe I need to adopt more to this philosophy, but why change myself for those who dont give a DAMN what happens to anyone but themselves. I'm sick and tired of it. I know who my true friends are, I know who really cares, and I know who I care about and screw everyone else.......... I knwo it's a bit harsh, but I'm so sick and tired. I really do care about my friends I truly do. People mean more to me than anything else in this freakin world. A wise man once told me, why surround yourself around those things that make you unhappy. Another wise man told me to get all the crap out of my life, if something or some one isnt treating me right then screw them. It's the best philosophy, and my dad, yet another wise man always used to say "DONT LET THE ASSHOLES GET YOU DOWN" Easier said than done dad. But really that's the approach you must take in life. Don't let the things you can't control affect you. It's hard, but you can't let the negativity in life engulf you or you will perish. It's funny, I've been more productive than ever today at work, I've done my normal workload before lunch. Ha! Im sad, down and somewhat depressed today, but Im productive, ever heard the term "throw yourself into your work" well that's me today, I wish I could depart on my journey today. I'm done, done trying, done caring. It's time to leave this life behind and start anew. I can't leave now, I wish I could, but I can't. Too many obligations, I used to look at them as security, now they are the little annoyances I deal with constantly. I hate everything around me right now. I do nothing that brings me joy. Last nightI spent the night with the coolest girl I know, sure, I have to clean up her poop, but it's ok. That's prob the happiest I've been in awhile.....wow, pretty sad huh. Well, I hope my journey comes sooner than later, until then back to my mundane life.............................