so, here i am, starting over...... ugh..... I hate starting over. I get to be me... I get to do whatever I want, more or less, whenever I want, more or less. I'm living with Alex again, or should I say, for the first time, he was living with me prior. Im happy, sure I live in a one bedroom apt with my friend and his dad, have to share a bed, but I'm happy. I dont need a lot of room, nice things, my own room. All I need is security, food, and affection. I have a place to live, a good paying job, a car, food, and a best friend, a few really, Alex, Maddie and Amber, without these three I wouldn't be here, where I am today. I chopped off my hair and dyed it, Im ready for a change, ready to actually be 21, to actually experience life. Twice I almost gave up my youth for a guy, once I almost regret, and the other for the best. I still kind of feel alone, in a way, I dont have that love that only a significant other can give. But with Alex, I have an unmatched bond I really dont think I can get elsewhere. He gets me, I get him, I can cry to him, play videogames with him, gossip about guys, whatever. And he looks out for me, and hasn't EVER tried to get fresh, in fact quite the contrary.....long story....... if you really know me, you know the story, so for those that don't........ get to know me better... HA!, anyways. I go into this kinda scared, but happy and optimistic at the same time. I've only regretted one thing in my life. Probably the biggest mistake of my life, again, you'd know if you really knew me............ I dont know how to rectify it, is it beyond my grasp, I'm not sure, I dont want it to be..... maybe its time to let bygones be bygones. I dont think im ready for that tho. Maybe I have to be, maybe thats the larger lesson, maybe im supposed to suffer some, who knows..... I dont. Truth is Im scared to let go, maybe there's really nothing better, maybe I really screwed up. Maybe no one cares. Who knows. I dont, do you?