Tucson?

So Ryan and I were talking last night and he let me know that there might be a manager getting fired at the Tucson store. Ryan is next in line to get his own store. "I would have to take it, to be company minded," he said. In all reality, it would be a smart move. It would be $40-60,00 a year. He said he would get an expense account and an $800 a month vehicle allowance. He would really need to take it. I am just worried. I mean, my program is here. I don't think it is available in Tucson. He said he would pay off the rest of the lease here and live there. I said I couldn't afford nursing school without this program. He said if he asked me to move there with him, at that point it would be a "we" thing. We could afford nursing school. He said he would just need to move up his timeline "plans" a little bit. I think he plans on marrying me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I'm happier than I think I have ever been but part of me is hesitant. I suppose it's always like that. I love the outdoors, Ryan doesn't. It is as much a part of me as dancing, as playing video games, as art. I feel as I would be giving up a part of myself. I love to hike. I want to have family camping expeditions like I did as a kid. I want to go exploring, to be adventurous and just pack up and leave at a moments notice like mom and dad did. It's not that I feel he wouldn't do it with me, it's just that in 6 months, we never have. He has bad knees. He needs to get a knee replacement, what if he can't ever do that, physically, ever? I know he is good to me. We both have our tempers sometimes, but we never go to bed angry. I already know he would make a great dad; there's no issue there. I just didn't think he actually thought about marriage with me. When I was with Cameron, I gave up my school, I almost moved to Washington because it's what he wanted. I want what I want. I want my family and I can't imagine how I could possibly afford nursing school without the Banner program. I'm scared. I'm happy and thrilled he wants to marry me but at the same time I'm terrified. Is this how it's supposed to be. It wasn't with Cameron, but we were both just stupid crazy spontaneous kids and we all know how that ended. He took his time and place in my heart and I cherish the time we had together but it passed. I think I really needed it. Now I think I really need someone serious, serious about settling down, starting a family. I want to be a mom. I want to be a wife. I think I'm ready, but I still don't know...