Patience is a Virtue

I've come to the realization that I am not a very patient person, not necessarily when it comes to serious things, but things I want. This isn't a good thing, but how do you learn patience, it takes patience to learn something, so how do you learn patience. Perhaps there is no hope for me yet. Oh well. I can't wait for school, the opportunity to use my brain, learn new things, better myself, get me outta this funk. I'm only taking online classes for the summer, but I think it will help break me in, I know i can be more. I feel as though my adolescence is ending and now I have to be an adult. I use to fantasize about being a dance teacher. When I was younger, though, for as long as I can remember I actually wanted to be a pediatrician. I want this so bad because I love children, helping people and making a difference. I felt confident, went to seminars, found financial aid info, the whole nine yards, but then, in my junior year I thought dance teacher. I have never been as passionate about anything in my life, I love dancing, without it I feel like part of me is missing, but over the last few years I realized. I need to do things for me, but ultimately what do I want. I want a family. I want a good man to love, adorable children, a real life. If that's the case how to I get there? I need a good job, I need to be responsible for myself and the ones I love, and that means that my passion can't be my job, I won't make enough money at it. It doesn't mean it can't be a part of my life though. If I go back into my original goal, medicine I can afford to build a room for me to dance in, it wont' be the same, but really what's more important, a dream or reality? If I go for dance, which I still could, I will be happy and have a family, but I might end up having to work two jobs, then I have my passion, dance, but not my love, my family. I'm really torn. I know I'm going to choose nursing, but it kinda makes me sad, like I'm letting myself down, but I think that when you're young dreams are dreams, very few of us can actually make a decent living at what they love. And even those few "lucky" individuals have to sacrifice something, it's like to the song Ben's always listening to by Brother Ali that talks about him going on the road, he says it's for his kid but he doesn't believe its entirely true. (Ben's a lot better at working in music quotes than me..........oh well, I tried) I feel that as I grow older I start to think more about what will make me happy in the long run rather than just today. I think I'm better for it and I can tell those around me that I love are happy that I'm going into nursing. On one hand it feels like this was a period of almost self-exploration and it's coming to a close, and it's sad, but I think it will make me a better, stronger, more responsible person. I know the change is happening gradually, I can't wait for the day, when I'm completely self-reliant and can stand on my own two feet, without my family's help, although I do love them so and appreciate them. I want independence, I want a career, I want to prepare for my life. I was so lost for so long, I couldn't see the bigger picture. I feel now that I can. I can't take all the credit for this epiphany, I really think that Ben has had a lot to do with me growing up, I really appreciate him. My head was in the clouds, but now I feel as though I"m seeing clearly for the first time in a long time.